ol remus and the woodpile report

ol remus has a few words for you

ACLU

Now and again we consult the Woodpile Report crystal ball to read future press releases from the American Civil Liberties Union. Well, that's not strictly true, actually we have a steam-powered, belt-driven time machine with a big cast iron flywheel. Anyway, here's what we found:

TransSpecies Rights

The ACLU is proud to join with PETA to defend demand full marriage rights for people wishing to partner with pets, farm animals or microorganisms. Sharing life with another species, understanding and accepting yourself, being able to work, building a herd or covey or septicemic infection, and to be a valued member of society are all essential parts of human life. Relationships, parenting, species identity, schools, job discrimination: full equality in each of these things is an important goal.

Necrophilian Rights

For much of American history, indeed, for much of world history, necrophilia has been a taboo subject. Often, it has been considered a crime in itself. Yet today, millions of necrophilian Americans are not only open about their sexuality, they are campaigning for new laws which they say would grant them the same rights accorded to other differently-oriented people, including protection against discrimination at the scenes of fatal accidents and the right to practice their alternative lifestyle in the military at the front lines of active combat. The ACLU is at the forefront of the Give Me Liberty and Give Me Death movement.

Actuarial Equality

Many Americans are born dead, even more die within their lifetime, yet the deceased are far too often treated as second class citizens, shunned and segregated by physical barriers and social stereotypes. They are discriminated against in employment, schools and housing, robbed of their personal autonomy, sometimes even hidden away and forgotten by the larger society. By and large, the dead continue to be excluded from the American dream. The ACLU continues to fight for the civil rights of the deceased under the Really Severely Disabled Americans Act.

Note to readers - ol' Remus has been a bit busy so he recycled ACLU from Woodpile Report issue 5.

Extreme welfare

What if the ABC television show Extreme Makeover and local volunteers made your house over into a mansion and gave you enough money to maintain it and pay the taxes for twenty-five years? Here's some photos of the mansion and the lucky family picked from 15,000 others. Long story short, they used the house as collateral to borrow a half-million dollars. Now they're broke and the house is in foreclosure. Here's the whole sad story. One volunteer says, "It's aggravating. It just makes you mad. You do that much work, and they just squander it."

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Breaking eyewitness opinion
Other folks have a few words for you too

No, it's not your imagination, says Pat Buchanan. Jim Crow is back but with different beneficiaries — and the newsrooms are next. more

"Diversity" included everybody but him so this Dallas Morning News columnist moved to where he was welcome. more

this just in
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It's just the way it was

1938 ohio marysville
1938, Marysville Ohio

Marysville is a small city of 16,000 in west-central Ohio, a place of plazas, malls and shopping centers catering to employees of Honda at the nearby motorcycle or automobile plant, or shoppers coming up from Columbus, the state capitol, about 20 miles to the southeast.

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World War II poster

Undated. Probably 1942 given the grave danger theme.

world war 2 navy poster arise americans

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stories from outten the hills
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Zeke and The Bad Economy

Part I of III - Bad News

Zeke comes in the cabin right on time for dinner. That means a half hour before dinner so he can wash up and help Aby if she needs any help.

“Zeke. My brother Bill tells me the economy is getting bad. He said it was getting so bad he doesn't have enough work for half of his employees and may have to let some go if he can't get more orders. But he said he is afraid to take more orders, because even his best customers are paying late and some not at all. What are you seeing out there?”

“Josh and me is always lucky with work, Aby. There ain't nuff folks whats do our kind of work to do it all. But jest today when we went to Corpdyne to fix a big boring mill we seen a lot of vertical mills whats needed work, an' when we asked why they ain't havin' them fixed they said they don' need them machines right now, so it don' matter iff'n they don' work. I guess that means they is getting' slow too. I notice they u'sta pay in 15 days an now is payin' in 45 days. Never thought maybe money was getting' tight for em.”

“So you don't see your work slowing, right?”

“We sees a different kind of work, Aby. Folks ain't callin' us when a machine is startin' to run bad. Now they calls us when it stops runnin'. There's more damage done when they calls me then, but maybe they figures they made money while it was jest runnin' bad. I think I best start bein' more alert to these problems. Bill handles more money than me'n Josh, so he prob'ly sees changes quicker.”

“So you think there may be a slow down?”

“I see som'tin else, now that I think of it. We is gettin' more requests for quotes from folks whats u'sta jest have us fix the machines. Charlie, the Purchasing Agent at Corpdyne, said it were jest for bugeting purposes. He never had to do that before. Maybe that means they is watchin' what money they gots. I best watch what's happenin' now.”

“Please do that, Zeke. I will need some notice if I have to switch your steaks to a cheaper grade or maybe to possum and squirrel”, and Aby smiles, giving him a welcome home kiss, placing the big dishes on the table, and asking Zeke to bring in the children so she can wash their hands for dinner.

-.-.-.-

“Josh. Have you seen any difference in work lately”, as Zeke enters Josh's shop.

“You gives me a big part of my work, Zeke. You is always busy, so I am too. But I sees a lot less ‘cherry work' commin' my way; you know, that nice easy work whats I can do but no other folks can an' whats I charge a lil more for doin'. U'sta be I could make parts an' bill for my time. Now customers want quotes a'fore I does the work and argues me down in price. Ain't used to havin' that done. Like them folks is tight for money an' tryin' to save whats they got.”

“Bill says the economy is slowin' down. Seems he's worried that he's gotta let some of his folks go.”

“Ya mean fire em, Zeke?”

“Yup.”

“That's hard on a family man, Zeke. Could wreck his fam'ly. The womanfolk think it's the only real job the man gots to do… bring home the money. When he can't do that they start thinkin' maybe they picked the wrong man. Gosh Zeke, that's hard for most men. Theys givin' Bill all theys got an' through no fault of their own theys got no job. They is getting' screwed, Zeke. Them politicians is screwin' up the economy and the poor hard working guy losses his job. That's nuff to make him mad.”

“I knows Bill don' wants to let anyfolk go, Josh, but he can't let his own money git low or he will lose all the jobs for his people. He is in a hard spot.”

“I knows Bill is doin' his best, Zeke. It's jest them politicians an' ‘vestors want all the money an' don' care who gets hurt. Those are the folks whats should really suffer. Don' seem fair that the little guy whats works hardest gets hurt the most.”

“Let's do some lookin' round an' see iff'n we thinks the whole economy is changin' or jest the folks round here is getting' edgy, ok Josh? Iff'n the whole economy is changin' maybe we gots to do som'tin different.”

“What's can we do different , Zeke?”

“Maybe try to know whats gonna change an' be ready for it.”

“Iff'n money is getting' scarce, Zeke, alls we can do is watch our money. But ya know, iff'n the economy is strong an' folks get scared and all watch their money then the economy gets bad jest cuz folks made it that way by not buyin' nuttin. In a short time no one gots money to watch. The economy got bad cuz folks made it that way, not politicians.”

“What if folks is watchin' their money cuz they don' gots any already, Josh? Let's learn what we can an' decide then.”

-.-.-.-

“Pappy. Bill McMullen is thinkin' the economy may be gettin' wrecked, an' thinks we should get ready for it.”

“Can't ya fix it in yer shop, Zeke? You can fix anything, or maybe ya can make a new one.”

Do you know what the economy is, Pappy?”

“Um, Nope.”

“In a bad economy folks got no money.”

“I had a bad economy all my life, Zeke. I jest worked hard for the fam'ly an' the fam'ly worked hard for me. Always had what I needed. Bad economies ain't so bad, Zeke. Ya gets u'sta em when that's all ya ever had. I was always able to get you the stuff ya needed. Look at'cha. I got'cha nuff food to makes ya big . An' look at this”, as Pappy pulls out a quarter and a penny from his pocket, “I had this much money for two years…same money. Ain‘t never needed it. Bad economies don' bother me, cuz I gots fam'ly an' that's more ‘portant than money.”

“When the economy's bad, Pappy, no folk gots money. Most flatlanders relies on money to get the stuff whats they needs. Iff'n they don' got no money they can't get whats their family needs. They only got jobs in factories whats gives them money to buy stuff they needs. When they lose them jobs they can't buy food or nuttin. Can't even afford a house, much less heat it. Things get really bad for flatlanders.”

“We got family whats work in factories, Zeke, but we still looks after em. They would be taken care of. Never understood why flatlanders never stayed close to their family. They always goes off on their own like they don' need no one. Then somethin' like a bad economy comes along an' they got no help. They don't learn from no one. They don' even see lil fishes got more sense…least theys stays together so's most survive iff'n there's trouble. So what'cha gonna do now, Zeke?”

“Me'n Josh is gonna watch for signs of a bad economy. I'm gonna see Bill to find out what he knows.”

“Here, Zeke. Take my money to help ya fix yer bad economy.”

“Best ya keep it safe, Pappy”, says Zeke, smiling, adding, “The fam'ly will need all your money to help them in this bad economy.”

Pappy puts it back in his pocket, looks at Zeke, smiles, leans over and whispers in Zeke's ear, “I won' even tell no one that I gots money on me.”

-.-.-.-

“Come in Zeke. Maybe you can help me with solving my employee problem.”

“Aby told me you was light on work an' maybe had'ta fire some folks, Bill. Said maybe you thought a bad economy was commin'. Still think that?”

Bill sits at his desk and motions for Zeke to sit in the chair across from him. “Zeke. The bad economy has already started. This morning I laid off fifty of my assembly workers. They took it hard and some were angry. Some threatened me, others cried and asked if I could keep them if they took less money. I explained to them the problem of few orders coming in, how money would run out if I paid for help that wasn't producing income, and how it would end up bankrupting the company and then no one would have a job. I told them when orders picked up I would call all of them back. It didn't help, Zeke. All of the folks I fired didn't have enough money to last one week. They weren't prepared. I gave each of them one week's pay anyway and said it should tide them over till they found somethin' else.”

“You gots the most prosperous company in Magaville, Bill. Thinks they can find another job?”

“There are no jobs out there, Zeke. I tried calling all my other friends that run factories and they're firing folks too. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, Zeke. I felt like I was sending them to their doom and could do nothing about it.”

“Good thin' we both gots that investment money to rely on, Bill.”

“What will be left of it, Zeke. That money is going down now too because of the economy.”

“Why'zat, Bill?”

“We both have our money invested in other companies, commodities, bonds, and cash in bank savings accounts. In a bad economy companies don't earn much money, so they don't pay dividends and their stock value goes down. So the money invested in companies goes down. When companies slow down they don't need much material, so commodity prices fall, and we lose money there. The municipalities don't spend and the banks don't earn much money, so the interest they pay goes down. We lose on all fronts, Zeke. We won't lose it all, but we will have less because of the bad economy.”

“What can we do, Bill?”

“I'm looking for safer harbors for our money. I'm trying to figure out what will be important in a bad economy and what will not be affected. I'll let you know what I decide in case you want to do what I do.”

“What should we do now?”

“I'm going to upgrade the security around my factory and house right now, Zeke. Those angry employees will be angrier next week when the money I gave them is gone.”

-.-.-.-

“Miss Alde. What does you know ‘bout a bad economy?”

“Not much, Zeke. Know its got to do with ever'body spendin' money an' how it all fits together with ever'body else spendin' their money. But I ain't ever had much money and never figur'ed I would, so I ain't give much thought to that stuff. I guess a bad economy means folk is spendin' their money wrong, or jest ain't got no money at all.”

“Bill McMullen says it's when folks jest ain't got no money.”

“Now how would Bill, whats got so much money, know ‘bout not havin' no money, Zeke?”

“Bill's gotta know all ‘bout money, seein' he's got so much. Plus he has folks workin' for him most of which don' got money, so he learns it from them. Bill says folks without money gets mad an' he's gonna try to protect hi'self an' his propertry from them folks.”

“It ain't havin' no money whats folks get mad about, Zeke. It's not havin' the stuff whats their fam'ly needs that gets em angry. I don't knows much about what folks do in these situations. That comes under Sociology, whats not a science an' so I never give it much thought. However, I imagine Bill ain't wastin' his time getting' ready for angry folks. Ain't no one angrier than a hungry man knowin' he's got a hungry fam'ly relyin' on him. Think we should do som'thin here to get ready, Zeke?”

“Why would we have to do anythin', Miss Alde? We ain't got much money here.”

“We got food here, Zeke. That's what a hungry man is lookin' for.”

“How does we get ready?”

“Talk to your cousin Remus, Zeke. He takes all them teenage boys on a two week survival camping trip where they only takes a knife each, warm clothes, an' a box of matches into the big woods next county over and lives like the bears for them two weeks. He should know som'thin' bout that.”

“Thanks, Miss Alde.”

Alde Long, the respected school marm, watches Zeke get into his big truck and hollers, “Let me know what ya learn, Zeke.”

Zeke waves his acknowledgement.

. . . . .

In the next Woodpile Report:

Zeke and The Bad Economy

Part II of III - The Preparations

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